The Reoccurring Battle
Hello friends, what I’m going to talk about is a very vulnerable subject for me. It is hard to admit to friends, family the truth about yourself, at least in my case it is. There is no easy way to say it than just to say it.
DEPRESSION... it's like the unspoken word that everyone stays away from. I have dealt with depression over the years. It started when we (I) moved out here from Arizona back in 1994. I was 5 months pregnant, with two little ones under four as well. We chose to move out here because it was the best for our marriage. My husband’s family was the only people we knew, Now don’t get me wrong I love his family and always will, but they at the time was not my family. That was the start of the depression, plus we moved in August, one of the hottest months of the year. Lord, that month felt like I was in Hell’s heat. Arizona doesn’t have the humid like Oklahoma does, so it took us some getting used to.
Jumping to November of 1994 it was one of the hardest winters that I had ever been in. It doesn’t snow in Arizona not at least when I lived there. It seems to snow in Ponca City every other day, up to my eyeballs. It was pretty at first then quickly it sucked. I was stuck inside with 2 babies and pregnant, plus I felt like I was a whale.
As soon as November came so did our new baby Rebekah early like 3 weeks early. She was a very sick baby, but that story is for another day. I remember sitting in the hospital bed looking at Rebekah wondering how I was going to take care of 3 kids. When we (I) went home that is when I noticed I was really depressed. It seems that when I started having children my depression grew to where I could notice it.
Over the years I have been able to recognize when it was stronger because of different situations or times of the year.
I do have to say, that yes, this year has been hardest time with my depression. There have been days that I just don't want to get out of bed and do things. I have had to force myself.
I feel like moving forward and having a new house along with other things I'm truly headed in the right direction. I know this isn’t an easy fix, but I am encouraged that my depression will change.
I have a great friend that is a nurse practitioner that helps me stay on top of my depression and anxiety. She is a big blessing to me. I am not sure what I would do without her. It’s not always about pills, sometimes it’s just having a good friend that has been where I currently am at and that understands.
So, by saying all this I'm at the point in my life that I try to find things that make me happy. Along with spending time with my family, my friends, writing and coming up with new stories makes me happy. My husband and kids roll their eyes at which whom I call my boys, BTS the KPOP group they make me happy. They support mental health healing. Which helps me.
So, I try to surround myself with positive things. I feel like I'm just rambling on to all of you, but the point is depression is real… mental health is real!!!! Just because someone has a smile on their face doesn't mean they aren't dealing with depression. If anyone has any suggestions to help with depression, I would love to hear them.
I thank God every day for me being able to still do the things that I love.
Love you all,
Hello Everyone! Yes, I know it has been way too long since my last blog!!! I feel like the chaos from this crazy tornado called life has slowed down enough from this summer that I can share with you all.
You know change is hard no matter how old you are. So this summer has had to be one of the hardest changes in my life. We, my family, have lived in the same house for 24 years. I have watched 4 of our babies grow up in this house. We have so many memories in that single-wide trailer. Memories from first kisses on the back porch, to smackdown wrestling matches in the front living room. Dwayne and I taught the kids how to dance in the same living room. Everywhere, I look, is a memory of some sort. Well, over months of deliberating we decided that we were going to move forward. We moved that single-wide trailer to another part of our land and in which our son will be remodeling.
We now are new owners of a doublewide mobile home. It is big enough that all 4 of my children and their families can all stay with us on holiday's and be comfortable. One of my daughters once said "mom, now we can build new memories with your new house." So the chaos started!! Packing up a house that we have lived in for 24 years and de-cluttering at the same time is not easy. To be honest it sucks!
I won't lie it has not been as easy as I thought. It is hard to let go of the past. At least for me, it is. In our house, we have a dresser that we call THE TIME CAPSULE. It is full of pictures, very program possible that the kids had been in. It has artwork, pompoms, high stepping shoes you get the idea. Well I did it I went through it and divided it into 4 plastic crates for all the kids. This is a miracle in its self! Although, it was hard, I was in there for days on in, crying over the fact my babies aren't babies anymore. It did feel good to have it done and cleaned out.
I feel like moving forward is physical and mental healing we all need to do to make the situation better. It's like a fresh start! Our new house is bright has natural light, lots of windows.
Everyone knows that this year has been rough on me and my family. It still is a daily struggle to do daily tasks, but I (we) get through it. We still have some things to move over to the new house; but, we are closer and closer to the end result. Which is the best feeling!
Until next time, Love you all,
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